Run Bambi Run

Can't explain it but I have been haunted by Lawrencia's sentence of guilty.   The summer of 1979 my boyfriend took me to a picnic in Lincoln Park.  A friend of his owned the Tracks and this was the second year for his bar’s picnic. My boyfriend was very excited and said it would be fun and I wouldn't believe was I would see.  He was correct I didn’t believe what I saw.  There were lots of drinking, pot smoking, loud music and wet t-shirt contests.  One of the contests was about to begin just as we arrived.  People were putting together picnic tables to be used as a runway.  There was a big crowd gathering around.  T-shirts (white) were given to the woman who volunteered for the contest.  Once they were wet they would strut up and down the tables gyrating in response to the crowd.  While this was going I was looking around at the whole situation.  When I looked behind me there were three Milwaukee City Police cars and the Officers were sitting on the hoods.  The crowd was just wild and the woman who got naked was the winner.  While this woman was naked I turned to see what the police were doing?  Were they coming?  Would I be arrested for being at a picnic where there were drugs and nudity?  It was strange because the police were doing nothing.  They were enjoying the naked woman just like everyone else.   Later the guys had their turn and had a wet jock contest….guess who was the winner?   The Shepherd Express published this article in the late 80's.  As the Milwaukee Police Officers were watching one of their brothers was struting his stuff.

I always believed Lawrencia was innocent.  Enjoy the article.

Gardening at the Ranch

Last summer was my first attempt at growing a vegetable garden.  The first lesson I learned, when you have a 10 x 10 area you need to carefully estimate space needed.  I planted pole beans, three types of tomatoes, cucumbers, broccoli, brussel sprouts and okra.  There was a turf war and the  dominating plants were tomatoes, cucumbers, and pole beans and they choked out all the others.  However, I ran blocker for the okra and it was on the survivor list.

This year I kept it simple and have one tomato plant, one pole bean, and the rest of the space is for the okra.  If you know me you know I LOVE okra.   When I lived with my grandparents in Waynesville, NC Paw Galloway  introduced me to okra from the garden and Maw Galloway taught me how to prepare it.  It has been my favorite vegetable ever since. 

In Wisconsin we have a shorter growing season and last year my yield of okra was small.   This year I started my seeds in the house on the window sill and transplanted outside mid-May.  Yes, I know this was risky as we are still susceptible to frost.  It is July now and I  have a lush little crop.

The okra begins with a pretty flower and when it  falls off  the buds begins to grow.

My little helper dove in to help Grandma find some okra.  I wondered what the view was like for him under the  canopy of leaves so I went under myself.  How very cool, the canopy of  leaves made a cozy little hideaway.  Shortly after he surfaced with an okra in hand!!

The harvest is a little lean right now so, I cut it up, coat it with cornmeal and put it in the freezer till I have enough for a meal.   In a couple of weeks I will have a bushel of okra ....  dinner on Sunday is at 1:00, see you then.

My little helper.

It's a Centipede!!!

Many years ago I lived in the Bayview and always snickered passing by Marino’s Bar.  There were retired patrons who would meet there and commiserate about the issue of the day.  Each week they would come up with a little rhyming ditty.  One week the ditty was,” If Noah was so wise then why did he save those two flies”?   I have to ask that question but exchange fly for centipede.  There is nothing that can strike such a level of fear, disgust and panic as this one simple bug.  I mean I moved from the South where I was exposed to lizards, snakes, water moccasins, tree frogs, palmetto bugs, alligators and the such.  None of those things compare to an encounter with a centipede.


This morning I had coffee, chatted on the phone, pursued the job boards and then went off to get ready for the day.  I went to my bedroom and spent some time selecting what I was gonna wear for the day (get over it, it is a girl thing).  I have a master bathroom so I went in to take my shower.  I always enjoy a nice long hot shower and spent some time lully-gagging.  I ended my shower, wrapped my hair in a towel and stepped out.   THERE IT WAS!!  Straight across the room on the wall up by the ceiling with the window and curtains just below it.  It was a centipede!  I dropped my towel and ran naked throw the house to get the fly swatter from the kitchen (Yes, the blinds were up).  I got the fly swatter and luckily the damn thing was still where I left it.  I moved the bed away from the wall but not to far that I couldn’t reach and kill it.  I made sure I positioned the fly swatter in front of it because they move very quickly.  I am so nervous that I will miss it and it will either fall onto my bed or God forbid on me!  I am naked I have to have those thoughts.  I aimed and with all my might I swatted and I GOT IT!!!!  I think.  I looked on  top of the window frame and saw nothing.  I shook the curtains and nothing.  OH NO! Did I miss it?  I did a little gig on the bed, afraid to move and at that time the wind blew the curtain past the window sill.  There it was.  My swat had blown off all its little legs and left a mangled up body on the sill.  I scrapped it off onto the floor with the fly swatter and went to get the cat to eat the thing.   Which, by the way, if one is in my bathtub I go get the cat, put her in the tub and she takes care of it for me.     Good Kitty.

My Favorite Summer Solstice

My Dad was stationed in Reykjavik, Iceland during the Vietnam War participating in ocean surveillance.   This is old technology for listening and identifying enemy ships, types and locations.   While as a child I didn’t know what he did  nor did I care,  I was having too much fun being a kid in a foreign land.   I have many wonderful memories and the one  that comes to mind is living in the land of the midnight sun.   It was so cool to be out playing kickball, jumping rope, and hanging out with friends on the playground at 10:00PM with the sun is bright in the sky.   The day before, the day of, and the day after the Summer Solstice the sun never set.   It would be a constant sunset for a couple of hours and the sun would be back up for a sunny 1:30AM.   This provided way more time to enjoy summer vacation before school started again.

However, my Mother hated it because she couldn't sleep will all the day light so she put tinfoil on her bedroom windows.   It almost blinded the neighbors across the street with the reflection of the sun.   Needless to say, the Winter Solstice was just the opposite and made it  intriguing to be out playing after dark......3:30 in the afternoon.   Very fun times in a foreign land.

Memorial Weekend Road Trip from Hell

Memorial Holiday 2006 I took a drive heading toward home in Waynesville, North Carolina.  It was a beautiful ride and just breezed through Chicago, Indianapolis, Lexington, and was winding my way to Knoxville and then to Waynesville.  Lucy, my pitbull dog, rides along with me when I travel.  She is a great companion and travels well, riding in the back of my SUV with her head resting on my left shoulder. I lay the seats down so she has the entire back of the car.  She was traveling as the princess she is.

I have been making this trip from Milwaukee to Waynesville for over 30 years.  When the kids were younger we would stop at a truck stop about 30 miles North of Knoxville.  The main attraction was the huge firework store next door!  What teenage boy doesn’t like a hand full of M80’s!  Out of tradition I pulled into the truck stop to fill up tank.  Little did I know that this was when my evening was to get real interesting.  After filling up my tank I went into the truck stop to go to the restroom, get a soda and a lottery ticket.  I came back out and scrubbed the bugs off my windshield.  All set, got in the car and turned it on and was ready to continue on my way.  I started the car, put it in Drive and rolled a few feet and the car stalled. Humm. I tried to start it again and it wouldn’t start and rolled and I steered it into a parking spot.

What the… everything had been as smooth as silk, what is going on?  I sat there for a few minutes and tried to start my car again and nothing.  I sat there for a while and tried it again and nothing.  I realize at this point that something was not right. Not that the clues weren’t there when the car stalled and rolled into a parking space.  Duh!  I went to my purse and got out my AAA card and made a call.   After giving them all my information I was told that it would be the standard 45 minute wait till help would arrive.  When I hung up the phone I opened the car door and Lucy and I sat there and waited.  I took inventory of my surroundings….it was dusk; people are coming and going from the truck stop paying me no mind.  I saw a Comfort Inn a little bit down the road and a 24 hour truck repair garage.  I made a few phone calls to my brother, parents, and some friends back in Milwaukee to let them all know of my situation.

An hour and half later a wrecker truck pull up and two men get out.  One is wearing mechanic clothes and the other in dress clothes.  The mechanic gave me a jump and nothing. Then he had me open up the gas cap and listened while I turned the ignition.   Nothing. He came back over to me and said, in his East Tennessee twang “ Weeeellll, ahpeeers yawr gas pump isn’t weerkin andy didn’t breeng ma flatbed.”  We both stood and looked at each other for a minute and I said, ” Your not going to just leave me here are you?”  We both stood there and looked at each other and the guy in dress clothes seemed nervous and like he needed to be somewhere.  The mechanic looked around and saw the 24 hour truck garage.  He called over to them, explained the situation and they said to bring me on over.

I was hooked to the wrecker truck and was taken over to the 24 your truck garage.  Lucy riding in the back of my SUV and me sitting between these two fellows in the front seat of the wrecker truck.  We arrive at the garage and pull into what looks like an airplane hanger.  This place was HUGE.  They unhook me from the wrecker and get back in and drive away.  As I watch them driving away I see a fellow coming out of what appears to be an office.  I took one look at this guy; combat boots, blue jeans, cutout sleeves of a worn denim shirt and a turned around baseball cap.  I immediately got Lucy out of the car (leased) and stood there as this fellow approached.  He looked under the hood and then asked for my owner’s manual.  I knew at that moment that this is not a good sign. After looking through the manual he said,” Ah gota call mu boss, Bob.” Now this is Saturday night on a Memorial weekend and no one is going to be in a hurry to help me out.  This young man called and Bob didn’t answer.  After about 10 minutes Bob calls and says he will be there in an hour.  This event started at 7:00pm and now we are going on 11:00pm. I am getting tired and totally not cool with my situation.  I remembered I saw a Comfort Inn and decided to call them, get a room and deal with this in the morning.

I call over to the Comfort Inn, explained my situation and asked if they had any rooms.  The lady that answered the phone told me they had rooms but they didn’t take dawgs.  I explained my situation again as I might not have made myself clear the first time. I am a lady in distress…stranded and I need a place to stay.  The lady said now with an attitude, “Mam, we don’t take dawgs.”  I am now irritated, tired and hungry and asked to speak with a manager.  “Well Mam I will have ta cawl her at home, hold on.”  She comes back after an extended amount of time and says, “ We don’t take dawgs and we can’t hep you, I’um reeaal sorry.” Ahhhhhh, what the…..?  I call AAA again and bitch about my situation. They asked if I felt safe and I said NO and they offered to call the police for me.  Well, this situation didn’t really warrant the police so I asked then if they could just hurry.

Chet showed up about 30 minutes later.  Chet is a retired over the road trucker and now does roadside assistance.  He had a brand new flatbed truck and said I was the first customer.  Once he got my SUV, with Lucy in the back on her bed, secured onto the flatbed we were all set.  Chet asked me where we were going and I told him to take me to the dealership and gave him the address.  It is now midnight and I have 150 miles left on my trip.  Chet and I got into his cab and I saw right away his chew spit can in the drink holder and thought, Oh Yeah!  He turns on his flashing yellow lights and we take off.  After about 10 minutes I thought I was going to have a seizure with those yellow strobbing lights.  I asked him if the lights bothered him and he said No and he asked, You?  I said yes and he told me to close my eyes.   Nice.

Chet drove through Pigeon Forge on I-40 like he was a race car driver.  I totally kept my eyes closed and just hung on for dear life.  We got to the dealership at 2:30AM and he got my SUV off the flatbed.  AAA only covers 120 miles and we went 150 miles so I owed him money and he wants cash.  We couldn’t have discussed this at the beginning of our little excursion so I could have gone to a ATM at the truck stop…really? Here I am at 2:45am scrounging around my car for enough change to add to my $55.00 to total $60.00 that I owed him. I thought to myself, this could look like a drug deal.  We are now all square and he his leaving and I am standing alone in the dealership parking lot.  Before he left asked him if he could give me a ride to my parent’s house that was within a mile of where we were.  He agreed and I, my luggage, Lucy and Lucy’s crate all crammed ourselves into the cab of the flatbed.  He turned on those damn yellow strobe lights and off we went.  When we turned into the subdivision my parents live in I asked him if he could turn off the lights and he said, he couldn’t it was the law.  Really, in the subdivision at 3:00am...who is going to know.  We arrived at my parents I can only imagine what the neighbors thought.

The dealership was open on Memorial Day and diagnosed my SUV.  My Dad and I went over to the dealership to check on the progress.  The mechanic told me I had a full tank of diesel fuel.   I was speechless.  Diesel fuel?   Really?   How could this be?   I was totally dumb founded. They had to drain my tank, take it out, scrub it and put it back in, costing me $500.00.  Ouch.  The dealership service manager told me when I used up a full tank of gas to put a carburetor cleaner into the gas tank the next time I filled up.

After all this drama I calmed down and had a good visit with the family.  After a week it was time to head back to Wisconsin.  I packed up me and Lucy and off we went with the intention to stop by the truck stop.  I wanted to figure how the hell I put diesel fuel into my vehicle.  I get passed Knoxville and arrive at the truck stop and went to the gas pump I had used.  I couldn’t believe what I saw.  The diesel sticker was on the right of the pump station, which I am familiar with , and the diesel pump was on the left which should be on the right underneath the sticker.  In Wisconsin and every state I traveled through the diesel sticker and pump are both on the right side.  I made my selection and grabbed the first pump not noticing the yellow handle.   After all the regular gas pump is always the first pump on the left.  The nozzle fit in the tank and I pumped away. Now in Wisconsin the diesel nozzle does not fit into a gas tank preventing any mistake.  This the story of how diesel fuel got into my gas tank….I was thinking Wisconsin and not Tennessee.

Lucy and I continued down the road heading back to Wisconsin.  When my tank emptied I stopped to fill it up paying careful attention to which pump I was using.  Just as the service manager at the dealership had recommended I put carburetor cleaner into the gas tank.  Once I was back on the road the cleaner started working and big clouds of white smoke came out of my tail pipe.  I mean this smoke was so thick that I am sure the cars behind me were blinded.  I hope I didn't cause a car pile up!

I am sure there was a moral to this story but I haven’t figured it out yet but it does make for a good story.

Thanks to all those who have served and given their lives for my freedom ..have a happy and “safe” Memorial Week!

The Inconvenient Oil Clean-Up

The hot thing in the news these days is the BP oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.  It is an understatement to say this is a terrible situation.  Moving past the political and environmental rhetoric from all the talking heads I began to think about the “what if’s”.  This is natural for me to think this way because as a Project Manager developing a project plan one considers the risks.   Thinking about “what if’s” that could happen while doing the work.  Thinking about if   “this” happens, “then what will we do”?   Developing a mitigation and/or contingency plan is part of de veloping he overall project plan. 

 It seems to me when drilling for oil off shore  one would think about the “what if's" what  happens if this, this, and this happens.  Apparently BP didn't have a mitigation or contingency plan for  if oil begins to spew all over the ocean.   Apparently BP didn't account for a current taking oil and running is around the globe.  Risk taking is necessary for progress  but the impact must be seriously evaluated. Greed blurs the reality of negative impacts.   The speed to market always pushes aside attention to risks and their impact.  This is greed at it's best.
We are seeing greed over common sense more and more these days.  It is not that greed just happened;  it has been growing out of control for a long time.  We have all participated in the greed, knowingly or unknowingly.  I have to honest with myself and admit I have participated in greed.  The strong economy offered me good job with a good income.   I bought clothes, jewelry, a new SUV, took trips, bought latte’s,  indulged myself in personal services, went to dinner with friends, splurged on the yard and garden and generally didn’t think about anyone but myself.  If something broke it was replaced.   This all seemed like a well oiled economic machine and all was good with the world. After all, everyone is doing it we  are all living the American dream. Right?  I read a fortune in a fortune cookie that said:  He who knows he has enough is rich.

Greed is defined as; excessive desire to acquire or possess more (especially more material wealth) than one needs or deserves.

The economic down turn has certainly prompted  the lesson of living within one’s means.   Unemployment has certainly forced me into my means and learning what I can do without.   I read a post and the content reveals a general attitude disregarding  enviornment, conserving energy, and extravgant lifestyle. (just a speculation)

Facebook Post: Just finished a great "carbon footprint" day... Used a gas powered weed wacker, tiller, chain saw, and lawn mower; PLUS put 50+ miles on the motorcycle and finished it off with a family drive (to church) in the SUV. Now I just need to use up an entire can of hair spray outside (what do I need it for) and eat a can of whipped cream.

Friend: make sure it is Aqua Net.
Friend: You must be thirsty. Don't forget to throw away your beer bottle.
Poster: Oh yeah...good points ((I got the best friends, EVER :))

The BP oil crisis has gotten me to think about “what if’s”,  what if  I can’t afford oil produced energy or it is not available.  “What if” the delicate web of dependency begins a domino effect and food source is deminishing?   I don’t think we fully understand how the planet works and think it is an ever ending resource. We are not only living in an economic house of cards but an environmental house cards as well.

I have decided to identify my “what if’s”   in the event speed of greed continues. 

How will I heat my house?
How will I have electricity?
How will I get water from my well?
How will I get food?
What do I do when my holding tank is full?
How will I wash my clothes?
If something breaks how will it get fixed?

This is all very overwhelming for one person to think about so I will put my head back in the sand.   I guess as long as a crisis is happening some where else and not impacting me,  why should I have a plan B?     

Ode to the Okra

I first learned to love Okra when I was a young girl living with my Grandparents in Waynesville, North Carolina. My Grandfather, Ransom Galloway, would plant a garden every year from potatoes, pole beans, corn, tomatoes to grapes, rhubarb and strawberries. This garden was large enough to produce enough food to can and eat till next Spring. The house sat on a hill with an exposed basement so from the backside looked like a two story house. I have a funny memory of my Grandfather looking out the bathroom window with his rifle watching for "that damn rabbit". He was positioned high enough that he could see on top of the garden. Pa Galloway was a very patient man and he would sit in the bathroom till the rabbit ventured out. So, what happens if you happen to need to use the bathroom? You went to the neighbors house....the Albrights, Gibsons, or Ms Clark. If they weren't home, well you went in the woods.

This is a picture of Pa Galloway and his garden is in the background. That real pretty gal standing with her hands crossed is my Mother, Betty. My Grandparents were pretty self sustaining and I sometimes regret not paying closer attention. I am currently going through the hard knocks of trial and error with my vegetable garden. Okra has a longer growing season so I started them in March to be transplanted to the garden in May. My little seedlings are looking good and showing great promise!

Spring of 2010 has come early and everyone is biting at the bite to get those vegetables and flowers in the ground. I confess that I jumped the gun and planted my little Okras. Were doing good, there was a call for frost but I live close enough to Lake Michigan that I was safe. The next morning I went out to check on my babies and they were doing just fine. I can taste my Okra by now and feeling very proud of myself. There was a call for rain and it rained and rained and rained and my little Okras drowned. The garden is on the island and I could just hear the screaming for help. I am back to square one and that is plant seeds and hope there is a harvest with 50 to 75 days to maturity. Last year was my first year growing Okra and I was amazed what a beautiful flower the plant makes. Who would have thought! It is not like the Okra is an attrative vegetable but I will forever love it.

I wish I could tell you that I prepare all kinds of groumet dishes but I don't....I fry it!

Ingredients:

• 1 pound of fresh okra
• 2 beaten eggs
• 1 cup cornmeal
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
  Crisco

Preparations:

Wash okra and drain well, cut off ends and discard. Cut okra crosswise into 1/2-inch slices. In a bowl beat the eggs then add okra and stir to coat all pieces well. In a shallow dish, combine cornmeal and salt. Dip okra pieces into cornmeal mixture to coalt well. Heat Crisco in cast iron skillet and fry okra until browned, about 4 to 6 minutes. Drain on paper towels and serve immediately.

Bon Appetit

Sliding Down the Chart

I feel myself slipping down the Maslow pyramid from self actualization right on down the chart to physiological needs. When I first entered my “career transition”, btw this is a bullshit term for being laid off, I have bounced up and down the chart. I first landed on safety needs because when I was given notice it made me feel incredibility unsafe. I came home and for weeks I sat in front of my computer frantically looking for another job. I was in a total state of panic ...how am I going to live, pay my mortgage, pay bills, eat, put gas in my car, afford COBRA ... I need to find a job! I felt very unsafe and as if I was falling without a net. The net I am suppose to have has been attacked several times with economic hiccups and my little nest egg has gotten cracked and fried.

The next landing was social needs. It is very difficult to not have the money to socialize with family and friends. I never lived an extravagant lifestyle but I did go out to dinner with several different groups of friends on a regular basis. I also attended professional chapter meetings, professional development seminars and continuing education classes. I have friends and family that live out of state and would travel to see them. I have had to give all this up and more. I feel isolated and disengaged from what is going on in the world. It is like I live in my own personal third world. I should take that back because as I set here whining in my pity pot there are those who are much worse off then me. I think I am back to feeling unsafe.

I am trying to stay off the self esteem rung but I am slipping in that direction. My confidence has been shattered as I continue to be socially and professionally isolated. Just a quick digression: After a 12 hiatus of being a stay at home mom I re-entered the work place. I first left in 1980 and re-enter in 1992 and it was like I had been gone for 30 years. Everything was different and there was something new…the computer. I almost stopped breathing when I learned that I had to go into the computer in order to be paid. I swore that I would never allow myself to be that far behind ever again. Even though it has only been 16 months since I last worked I am feeling like I could find myself 30 years behind again. Technology, trends, business models, corporate cultures, and things I don’t know about are racing forward at incredible speeds. Even when I worked I felted a little challenged to keep up with the pace. In these last 16 months I have done all the things you are suppose to do to land that next job. It took me almost a year to realize that what I did, IT Project Management Office, has greatly diminished if not become extinct. The direction IT is evolving to it beyond my scope. It is exciting with social media and cloud technologies but this would require me to re-tool. Well, I have already done this and graduated in 2003 with a degree in IT for the technologies at that point in time and btw, I am still paying off that student loan.

To keep my sanity and social outlet I have been working at a retail store. This has been a very humbling experience to say the least. It took me a while to come down off my corporate high horse and get into the real world. My first paycheck was a reality check as what I made in one day use to be my hourly rate. I know that I will never be back to where I was but surely there is an up from here. The longer this takes the less confidence I am having. So, I keep telling myself

I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and, doggonit, people like me! ...and I will keep on trying.

Cocooning at Caribou Coffee

After a week of unseasonable deliciously warm weather we were slammed back into the reality of a Wisconsin April…cold and wet. It was a lovely 38 degrees this morning so I decided to cocoon at Borders book store. I wandered around looking at all the new releases, the 3 for 2 tables and browsed through Martha Stewart’s latest book on how to make a sofa out of laundry lint. The sad thing is I almost considered buying it out of total boredom of 14 months of unemployment.

I read somewhere the 10 best places to meet men, top of the list was the produce department on Sunday, second was a book store on Thursday .. just kidding about the Thursday. I am sad to report there were three men over 75, two men who looked like they had shelves of action figures at home, and one guy with enough hardware on his face that I could repair my siding. Yeah, I have problems getting my 44 inch lawn tractor deck through 46 inch gate opening. No Mr. Right today.

I made my selections, Blink by Malcolm Gladwell (the power of thinking without thinking) and One Second After by William Forstchen with a forward by Newt Gingrich. Despite the fact that Newt had anything to do with this book I still found the subject interesting. The same way I had to ignore Mark Levin’s friendship with Rush Limbaugh when reading Rescuing Sprite. Good book…highly recommend it. Anyway, I purchased my books and headed off to my next cocooning destination, Caribou Coffee.

I ordered a medium mocha, dark chocolate, skim milk with no whip. There was a comfy leather chair by the fireplace that had my name on it. I settle in with my coffee and my newly purchased book … One Second After. Then! A young mother comes in with a year old baby. This is cool, the baby is cute. The Mother, however, proved to be very annoying. She was on the phone … blah blah blah and walked back and forth in front of where I was sitting. Now I am a tolerant person and can endure pretty much anything after raising three children that were bore in four years but this woman was getting on my last nerve. I told myself this won’t last long, the baby will get fussy and she would leave. NOoooo, the baby was great, good natured and happy. I finally put my book down and watched and listened to her conversation. I felt this was appropriate since she was parading in front of me. I thought foresure she must be a virtual worker on a conference call, a physician giving orders to staff for patient care or maybe closing a real estate sale. What I heard was... I left you a message, did you get the message, why don’t you check your messages, when will you call me…blah blah blah. I just wanted to get up and bitch slap this person.

This poses the question..why do we put up with rude inconsiderate ignorant behavior? I could have moved but I would have felt resentment and that would not be good for my health just as sitting there stewing was not good for my health. Would it be in both parties best interest if I would have gotten up and let her know that she was disturbing me? Maybe, or I should go with my first instinct and bitch slap the woman? Which I believe would have made me feel better and be good for my health.

All I can say if right now I am blogging with a glass of wine and she is cleaning spaghetti up off the floor…

So you want to be a consultant

This morning I was flipping through a stack of business cards looking for my doctor’s phone number. As I was going along I paused at some of the recently acquired business cards from the Milwaukee JobCamp. These business card were of people who are in career transition just like me and like many others. I saw a few things that caused me to reflect.

The business card seemed to be a replication of the corporate roles and functions they recently held. This made me think…if they were let go from their position wouldn’t that role and function be extinct? Would there really be consulting opportunities? My mother in law who is a salty late 70‘s brought something to my attention. She asked, of these people you are meeting, are they people who will hire you? Well no, they are not people who will hire me. I started thinking about this. If we are starting consulting businesses offering services as the same job role and function we had when were employed, I wonder if we are having a hard time moving forward. We are becoming consultants where the landscape is changing. It seems we are still the round peg but the hole is becoming square and our hamster wheel as a different address.

What I see is this economic downturn has people thinking entrepreneurially. We know we don’t want to go back to where we were…the Grade A, all American, 6x6 cubical with the same hamster wheel day. Yet we are going with what we know and that is the past role and function. People are establishing businesses, setting up websites, buying business cards, networking with others who are doing the same thing and not making money either. Well enough money to sustain on. My question is, are we happy? Do we have the grit to build something that is possibly not our true passion?

I can’t believe someone’s real passion is corporate vision, strategic planning, team leadership, communications, and product and business development, process methodology and so on. I know it is not mine. This is what we left and this is what we don’t want to go back to. Lets let go because those positions that were considered discretionary are not there and will not fuel an income. So where is the money? I don’t mean to be a pessimist but really, what has networking, LinkedIn, and setting up your own consulting business done for you lately? We are networking with like mindedness and are fueling each others delusions. It dawned on me who is making money…Vista print. The business card, the websites, the promotional materials, business must be booming!

It seems to me that all this entrepreneurial energy would be better spent on local commerce. Providing a product or service to the community of something that is a real passion. What is it that we have fun with and are really good at? I like croquet and I am good at it. You are probably thinking…croquet what the hell can you do with croquet? Well, I have an idea and it is something I loved as a kid and it is not around any more. I am keeping it to myself so no one steals it from me :~) My point is, don’t dismiss your passion because it seems dumb. Don’t measure it to others. I did that. I went online to see what others were doing with my passion and I got discouraged. Then I thought, damn it, that is them and not me. I have grit to follow my passion and it will be unique because it is my passion.

Once you find the thing that is fun and you do well turn it into a passion. Take all that corporate experience and knowledge and turn it inward instead of outward.

Make yourself your own client!

I dedicate this blog to my good friends Paula Hornbeck and Ryan Michael Galloway. Two very happy people who have followed their passions..

Chatter Chatter Chatter

Out of 300 million people 78 million are baby boomers…one third of the nations population. Commonly referred to as a pig in a python. (Ken Dykwal) As a boomer in the middle of the demographics it has been a wild and wondrous ride; do what you want, go for what you want and get what you want. We went from hippie to yuppie to the never ending line of greedy geezers. Here we are, no hair, no waist, no job, no retirement and no longer living large. We are all asking “What the hell am I suppose to do now?”

I am of a generation that was told to get a good job with a good company, work hard and retire with a pension. Well we all know how that turned out, we were merged, acquired, downsized, or the position has been eliminated. We landed on our feet and became very agile. We entered the five year plan where if you wanted a raise you changed jobs. Everything started moving fast and everyone was living large and change wasn’t so devastating, as long as the money was there. We all know how that turned out.

It seems to me we are being reminded of what is real and true. In away I thank the economic downturn; For bringing me closer to my friends and family. For slowing me down so that I can give my undivided attention. I am thankful for the new friends I have made in my networking efforts, the opportunity to learn, love, hope and be humble.

Humble is the biggest one. The titles are gone, the prestige and glory are gone it is just me. Who am I? I was once defined with titles and roles and now they are gone and I don’t know who I am. I have spent 13 months unemployed having personal epiphanies realizing what is true and real. I am still not quite sure whom I am or what I want to do. However, I know what I don’t want and that is to go back to those titles and roles. I have now realized how soulless my career has been working in a corporate office in a Grade A, all American, standard 6x6 cubical. I would leave every day and have no feelings of accomplishment. It was a trudge and I don’t want to go back.

Well here goes the mind chatter…how will you keep your house, how will you maintain your lifestyle, what about the dogs, what about, what about, what about. This is change and fear speaking to keep me away from my true reality. My last blog was about the Wild Hair and I ended with what would be real and true to me. So why am I still sitting here? Why am I still looking for work in the same ole same ole. Why do I make health insurance my excuse? I don’t know, maybe it is because it is 20 degrees outside and I don’t feel like it.

Chatter Chatter Chatter

What is my passion? Story Telling, I love to tell a story.
What are my strengths? Helping, Making it Happen
What are my weaknesses? Don’t believe in myself

If one of my strengths is making it happen then the big question is, what is holding me back from realizing my passion? Oh yeah, I don’t believe in myself. I am a smart person. Why can’t I realize my passion? Why am I following the noise? I guess I need to think about what I need to change. The opportunity will come once I make a change. So what is the change? I keep thinking I should sell the house but I like it here....Would someone please slap me silly?!

The Wild Hair

Do you ever feel like chucking it all and making a left turn? How do you know when that time has arrived? Are the reasons to not make that turn valid?

There was a time when the wild hair lived and breathed and life was fun, free, and easy. It was fun to pick up and make a change or just do something different. I have moved 25 times in my life, this averages a move every two years. Living at the same address for nine years has dulled the wild hair and compliancy is beginning to rub it the wrong way.

In an effort to get back to where I was (a grade-A all American corporate cubical) I keep getting the same results. This is the definition of insanity. I am trying to be someone I no longer am. I am trying to duplicate the past and the past is gone. So, what would the wild hair do? When the wild hair lived and breathed making a left turn was easy to do.

So what is the wild hair saying?

Put the house up for sale. Stop playing the games to be played to maintain compliancy. Cash out, pay off debts and hit the road and take that left turn.

The Second Interview

Yesterday I had a second interview for a position that has three roles all melded into one…Application Analyst, Business Analyst, and Project Manager. The first interview was with the hiring manager, Sandi. We had a good meeting and both of us parted feeling encouraged about the fit. This was confirmed when I received a call the very afternoon requesting a second interview.

The second interview was scheduled for a week later. In the interim I developed viral laryngitis and could not speak without coughing. As I got closer to the date of the interview I realized that I would not be able to talk. I had no choice but to ask for an alternative date. I was very happy to get a call back with a new date and time.

It has been almost a year since I was last employed and this was the first second interview I have had during this time. Needless to say I started working myself up into a knot about the interview. I tapped into my resources for coaching in preparation of the interview, such as, what is the purpose of meeting with upper management, what is the purpose of meeting with the team and so forth. I got some very good advice and realized I needed to just relax and go with what I know.

I researched the company, took the job description, broke it down and filled in my experience for each requirement. There were several software programs that required experience so I researched each one and aligned them with my previous software experience. The long and short I don’t think I could have been any more prepared then I was for this second interview.

The day has arrived and my appointment is at 12:30. I left the house an hour and half early so that I could have a relaxing lunch at Panera’s . At I-43 and Good Hope traffic came to a stand still as the two left lanes were closed and traffic was merging. It took me 40 minutes to get from Good Hope to the Silver Spring exit. My relaxing lunch now turned into a mad dash. The good news is I managed to get something to eat and be on time for the interview.

The first meeting was with the team, Denise and Jan. The position was described to me as being administrative, providing software support, managing upgrades, implementations and deployments along with vendor management. While I was listening I started realizing I am potentially over qualified. Both Denise and Jan have been with the company for 30 yrs each and with that information I made some assumptions about the culture. We had a good discussion and on the way to my next appointment they stopped by and showed me the work area. One standard Grade-A cubicle.

The second meeting was with the Director of Information Systems, Gary. Gary has been with the company for 15 years, prior to that he was with a software development company for 21 years. This interview was more qualifying of my experience. When we reached my most recent positions and technologies I worked with I needed to explain what they were. I made the assumption he is old school technology and the company is old school technology. We had good conversations and Gary and I parted with an agreement the job requirements were understood.

This is the jest of the second interview. I had anticipated it, prepared for it, and stressed out over it and left feeling anti-climatic. This job is just like all the others which is just a means to an end. After not having a job for almost a year I was so very excited about this position only to realize it will kill my soul just like all the others did. I drove away with many thoughts racing through my head … what do you want, what will make you happy, am I being true to myself, can you just suit up and show up and ignore things. God! I haven’t worked in a year, I finally get closer to landing a job then I ever have and I am asking... Is this really what I want? Why? I need health insurance. So, in order to have health insurance the answer is to take a soulless job. Yes. In the current state of things beggars can not be choosers. I need to consider this job as a door and go with it.

However, funny thing…no offer has been made. I wonder what they are thinking?